Indexes
Book of Rememberance
Index of Folios
9v <folio 10r> 10v
consering my sins which I have commited I am ashamed to confesse to my Lord; having falen in the same sin: wherein before I found my selfe gilty, but Lord that hadest mercy on me that it may hereafter be farr from mee and \in/ my wrechednes thy mercy shall appeare. a lickorishnesse 45 stole upon me to open my mothers cobord, she leting me have a nether roome of it to \my/ selfe, I longed to trie whether I could open it with my key, which when I had found the way of it I tooke fruite from thence, my mother had an observation that if she task us and wee were gilty we would blush. but it was not alwas so. I was past shame. my mother having charged me with it I flatly denied it. and so scaped both the shame of the fact and her anger, \also/ my mother let me keepe a closet to my selfe, wherein I kept pares to dish out for the table, my father injoining me that I should eate no pares46 but they tempting me every time I saw them. I should take one, having som regard to my fathers command; thinking that if I offended not in the number I did well enough. but after I passed furder and tooke my \a/ part of many that was somwhat perish\e/d. so by this meanes I was satisfied of what I would: In these things I scaped without the offence of my parents, not knowing what I did in secret, but my consience hath often reproved me. for these and other \smal/ things. which if \I/ should openly mention perhaps some would laugh at me; yet Lord thou gavest me the feare of thee in these times, for I remember the Bookes which I had in my closet reading and pra\y/ing to thee in secret thinking my selfe safe in so dooing, hearin I praise \thee/ my God, for the good things I learnt in my testament \and for/ writing nots out of it, and for the good example I had of others. I mervel at my selfe that I should commit these errors calling \to mind/ the fear I had of thee in these times, but I thought the smalnes of my offences would bare me out, not considering that luke. 16.10they which are unjust in the lest are unjust also in much; as I take it a good while they contemne the small things shall fall by little and little Ecclus. [19].i after this, one would have had me sowrne (seeing me look ill) that I should eate no fruite, but my parents I thanke them. would not bind me so, for if they had I feare I should not have keept it. and yet if I had thought that these things would have so run in my mind. I suppose I should not have don them. \yet/ Lord I praise for reproving me in small things that I should not fall into greater for after this I carried a more upright mind, though I had the opertunity to the contrary, my father divers times seting me to keepe his mony, (when he hath bin out of the roome) when I had littel enough: also thou hast taught me to have a \more/ favourable opinion of others, (which have fallen in the like kind) because of thy mercy towards me; I growing somthing big my mother tooke a more favorable way with mee then before she had don. when she had her maid to hold \me/ while she gave me correction and though she was a weake women, yet being somthing moved with passion she did her sefe I suppose harm and me no good, though I conffes I did deserve her correction, and therefore it was due to me, and though my mother did well in so doeing, yet for this cause I beleeve she she did better afterward in moderating her selfe, for now \I/ having don amis,
45. See OED 'lickerishness': 'keen appetite or desire'. The word is the same as that used in Watts' translation of Augustine's Confessions , Book II, chapter 4, p. 79: Augustine writes that he and his youthful companions stole many pears, 'not for our lickerishenesse, but even to fling to the Hogs'. Isham clearly has Augustine's account in mind here.
46. See the above note on 'lickorishnesse'.
47. Written in a very tiny hand in dark ink.