to offend*
in too much affection to man therefore my comfort was my love
to thee was \ever/ above all, and I knew thou wouldest not forsake me, yet
ever since I have most pittied those which have bine besids themselves, and
though my soule was at the pitts brinke divers times through temtations and
other crosses. yet still Lord thou deliveredest me my trouble in mind was
farr greater to me then any other crosse which made the other seeme the
lesse, and I thought I could endure
any thinge but that :
yet
or following in those things
I found it to be the better with me
(being the sildomer troubled) because I busied and pleased
my selfe with those workes of my fancy
I made an end of my Garden
flowers and rose betimes in mor[n]ings to behold the skie for beholding thy
work I have often [said] this p[iec]e espeially at rising
for
immetaing the life of nature.
as somtimes the earth and flowers, and other whiles the clouds and
skie I learned in them all to Glorifie thee my God. and maker. whose workes
all praise and thy Saints shall blesse thee. \psal 145.10/ and the time was
the more delightfull to me because I somtimes \or daily/ read. whereby both
my selfe and sister had comfort for I read in
Mr Dods Booke on the commandements
.
being much taken. with the large extention of Gods mercie and
goodnes
and after this I found fit
places to
salves
my owne sore out of
Mr Kings lecture
as of Jonas
and I was
not com to these pleaces as yet, but to that sermon of Lots which was my
turne to read on the day of the [meet] about the mach. I useually read one
sermon a week somtimes on the sabboth to my
father
to them \[his]/ that love him.|
and though my sister had her health
this sommer. yet my brother had his part of
affliction (and therein wee) for
he being sick of the small pox some thought he would have died. but I had a
strong hope of his being well. as ever he was and it was of thy onely
good\nes/ my God that he should recover. and none of the house sicke of it;
neither did I thinke my selfe should have it. neverthelesse wee used meanes
of safty. Yet I having accation to goe to that end of the house. it cam into
my mind to goe see him (though I suppose he would not have thanked me for it)
but then I thought
and when my
brother was
somthing recovered wee [t] the tim very pleasent that we were imprisoned
having only the orchard to walke in
I might be excesary to my owne death
which doth cause the
more discomfort. but where God doth laye affliction upon us wee ought with
the more patience and comfort in him to bare it. at the latter end of this
yeare he with whom I was so neere Marriage fell ill
as was thought of a fever, whereof he died. some feared to let me know it.
and my sister weept for my sake fearing it would be
a griefe to me, but yet when I (suddenly) heard it I said it was nothing to
me: because I thought I had no part of love in him who after went to another,
yet neverthelesse, I said I was sorry because his friends had such a losse
he being the only hope of there house:
This winter my Sister had ill\nes/ a gaine, and as
I saw her somtimes
\lie/ as if she was without sence. I told her I was inwardly as she apeared
outwardly, for when the Devill had acted his part of strongly temping. I then
found through my owne weaknesse of yeelding. that