at this time a maide servant was commended to my father whom I heard some speeke ill of. and I thought she or some of her frinds hard of my intention for another. and so thought both to hinder me and against my mind to come into the place. Now my F refused to [c] the same day my cusen J did this also reading in a booke of the Jewes customes ⁷⁷ I foun\d/ [ how] Illegible word deleted before 'how'. farr the word [Raed] extended \and/ I found my hart with ease and joy to entertaine Charitable thoughts I confesse I spake some words against her which I hard . that she might not come. but my father was minded to have her. and I thought to hinder her of some profit because she came against my mind. but it being before I recieved. I was inwardly moved not to have any mallice against her considering thy goodnes towards me. (which I e\x/pected) a sinner. I therefore porposed to forgive her. as I looked for forgivenesse from thee. and after I was sorry for my being to credilous to them which spak against her. she proving better then I expected. at this time I praise thee for thy mercy to a neere Kinsman of ours who was very neere past recovery of makeing away himselfe. and because wee alwayes accouted him a right honest man. I confessed I feared it would have shaken the foundation of my faith if thou hadest not after a maraculous maner (to shew thy providence) now I thought and observed none that thus perished but ether they were simple in themselves without devine knowledge or made but a show of good Luk 8.18 delivered him . though some said he would never be so well as he was but I had a strong faith in thee because of his sufficiency in good that through thy mercy he would be as well or better /then ever\. which I found for I verely beleeved that those that are once thine psal 94.14thou sufferest not to perish.

\and/ I did lace and I thinck [bandstinge] and buttons nedlework lace Now though I had not that full \liberty/ which for the most \part/ many others had. yet I thought there was no maner of life but a body might make a benefit of according to that saying or our owne poet each hath his fortune 27 yeere in his owne brest .⁷⁸ for I supposed if wee be industerous | in an honest calling and having that Spenser 6 Booke can.9 writing of a countrey life content which doth spring from the root of all goodnesse wee have enough. I have bine so well pleased with this privat life. that I have veryly thought thou hast and I thought to make a vertue of necessity and to have that which I could not helpe without altering the whole state of my life as well as I could. fitted me for it. though I confesse I have somtimes desired a little more liberty. but seeing my fathers mind was not so much for it. I have bene very well passified \so/ that I have thought it thine owne doeing to make us so like. for thou onely \o/ Lord doest know Sweet a privat life hath bine to me. Yet I speeke not this that I dislike of company specially of those that are thine, for my delight is with [and] that time was the more pleasent to me by reason of my industry in work which otherwise would not or I suppose else would have bine more tegious the Saints that are upon earth counting them the greatest earthly felicity. and some of my kindred or frinds in whom I have found good company. have not parted from me also I thought I had not visited my Aunt Isham so oft or made so good use of her company as I ought or might have don and as she desired which now I tooke more dilligence to doe. without my teares . Yet I extolle thy goodnesse in giving me such true content in this maner of life. which if I had not I suppose I should have done otherwise.

about this time my Sister told me she hoped God would take her away \shortly/ but I answered her \a/gaine I hoped she might be better then she expected. for so I told her she thought afore she should not live the other winter and carried her selfe better to my father keeping him company or gave him to [rel]ent with more [recr]etion then afore yet she was better then she had bine. therefore I said she should not dout of thy providence as I take it another time speaking after this maner. a verse (of Mr Quarlesses ) cam to my mind which I then used to her. To be afraid to die or wish for death. are words of passion. or despairing breath⁷⁹ I had sore eyes my S read in a book of the travell to the holy land. I made bou[or w] lace, [lent] or else I suppose she somtimes did or might as for I fear-ing lest she might still into encovneniency against thee if her misery should continue but I perceived she thought I did not so rightly judge of her in speaking as if she ought not to desire death to be out of misery. also I suppose she thought I was loth she should leave me. for after this she would give me astwere a Item that I should not be too fond of her. I doe suppose that my opinion is now more charitable and rightly of her desireing to die. for she having not great comfort in the world (or in worldly things by reason of her owne misery) her Cheefest joy was in thee (which I did my endever to nurish /in her\ finding her much the better for it) therefore I verely beleeve \and more/ that yet S paul saieth whether to live in that flesh were profitable for me and what to chuse I know not not onely through her sence of misery which \then/* seemed to be nothing so violent as it had bene. (and she was \then/ indiferent well when she said this) but through her great joy and love to thee she desired to die. and that we should not too much desire death. especially through impatiency but rather learn what it is to live that so shee might. she proved to me these words of S paul I desire to be desolved and to be with Christ \phil 1.23/ now she had a mind to take phisicke though she was not in that extremity as she had bine in. but by my meanes had the woman come to her of whom she had some [helpe] afore and I thinke gessed nearer her illness. I think of Mr Kings ser. lecture 43 then the phisitian. though not by that meanes which is and divers times wee perswaded our people that they should not goe to wiches or wisards. contrary to thy word for both my selfe and \my/ sister hated all about or at this time, considering the time that was past and what matters fell crosse to me, or somtimes caused my discontent. I was ashamed of my owne wayes considering if I had bine more dilligent to serve and trust in thee. it might have bine farr better with me. fauls waies