Chess Inactivities

I haven't played a serious OTB game since 1989, but you are invited to look at My 60 Least Forgettable Games (annotated in PGN; viewable using e.g. cblight). Unfortunately, I best remember games against opponents stronger than myself, so there's plenty of losses! Watch me (usually) mess up perfectly decent positions against titled players (Gligoric, Britton, Taulbut, Crawley, Rumens, Bradbury, Dickenson, Nicholson, Hawksworth, Eley, Emms...). My best tournament result was probably coming second in the 1977 Lloyds Bank Experts (behind Andrew King - Danny's brother), despite playing some dreadful games.

Here's a chess quiz from December 1991, with solutions.

My recent chess "activity" has been confined to scurrilous caption competitions (Kingpin 22, page 28) and similar antics for which I am the proud owner of the FARCE GM title (see Chess Addicts Corner #216, #384, #500, #527, #674, #867).

The Ten Chess Commandments

1. Thou shalt not slurp thy Slush Puppie while demolishing thine elders and betters.
2. Thou shalt not spike thine opponent's Slush Puppie. Especially not with phenolphthalein.
3. Thou shalt not innocently suggest moving the clock to the other side of the board halfway through the game.
4. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it wholly free of trying to memorise opening variations.
5. Thou shalt not snigger when thy lowly-rated opponent plays the King's Gambit.
6. Thou shalt not kill. Except when thine opponent has j'adoubed both thy knights to face backwards.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery while thine own clock ticketh.
8. Thou shalt not groan and clap thy hands to thy head immediately after trying a desperate cheapo.
9. Thou shalt not write books in a weekend.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's rook, nor attempt to castle therewith.

Ewart Shaw, Addicts Corner #867 (September 1999)